How do you know if someone is being abused?
Women are very good at hiding things so can often put on a good front.
- The signs of physical abuse in a relationship are obviously easier to spot – injuries- frequent visits to GP/Hospital, bruising on face etc. often with excuse of ‘accidents’,
- Frequently missing work, school or social occasions without explanations
Emotional/mental abuse can be more difficulty to spot – particularly for the woman herself. However there are a few things you may notice:
- The woman could begin to show signs of withdrawal from society (eg. job/socializing).
- She may seem depressed, begin to question herself and have low self-esteem etc.
- Seems to have limited access to money, credit cards or the car.
- Afraid or anxious to please their partner.
- Goes along with everything their partner says and does.
- Checks in with their partner to report where they are and what they are doing.
- Receives frequent phone calls from partner.
- Talks about their partners’ temper, jealousy or possessiveness.
What you can do if you think someone you know is being abused?
- If someone is in an abusive relationship the important thing is to believe her, validate that it is not her fault, and listen to her. Sometimes women will not recognise their situation as abusive, especially with emotional abuse, so it can be helpful to ask “is there anything or anyone at home that is hurting you/you are scared off?” – instead of a standard question such are “are you experiencing domestic violence?”
- Telling her what to do will only confirm what her abuser is likely to be telling her already – that is that she does not know what is best for herself, she has no right to decide, she is not in control.
- Instead let her know there are options available and be there if she needs to talk. If she is open to it – a safety plan could be devised with her.
- Don’t judge or blame or put pressure on her or place conditions on your support.
